:: Lent 2009 ::

Jess and I were in Rome on Feb 25, the official beginning of Lent 2009. We were enjoying the final day of a wonderful, tiring, awe-inspiring vacation. The next morning, we boarded a plane and returned to normal life. That Friday, while sorting through emails, I found one requesting some thoughts on Lent I had written last year. After a few edits, I sent them off, and posted the article on this site as well (here)

Among the points was the following sentence: "Lent is NOT a time to give stuff up "to identify with the suffering of Christ" (as I was taught as a kid – Seriously?! Christ didn't give up chocolate for a month; he freaking DIED FOR US! There's no way Lent could give us even the tiniest taste of suffering!)"

I was wrong.

In principle, I still agree with what I wrote - giving up some menial habit, enjoyment, or trinket does not come even close to showing us how Christ suffered. But this Lent, these past 40 days, have at least given me a new appreciation for what Christ went through.Granted, my life hasn't seen much suffering - almost none, really. And granted, the crap we've been through over the past weeks is minimal compared to death. But is it coincidence that God allowed this season to be a time of trial and testing? Or was this weekend's Good Friday and Easter celebrations - while admittedly there were moments of bitterness and questioning - enhanced because during Lent we were hit from every angle?

Some of these are greater than others, & some are more emotional/subjective suffering, but in the last 40 days...

• I was in a car wreck, taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
• My car, bought new in Aug 2008, was totaled.
• My wrist was broken, and I had cuts and bruises across my body.
• I underwent surgery, and my wrist is still fairly immobile w/ a screw in it.
• The lady who hit my car claimed to have had a green light too, and since there were no witnesses, her insurance didn't cover any of my car/injuries/etc.
• We got bills from the afore-mentioned ambulance, ER, and surgery, which on top of our Italy trip, hit us fairly hard.
• I missed out on our Belize mission, which was headed to new levels & which I helped plan.
• Jess (planning to go part time at work this summer to enter grad school) found out she can only take 1 class per session this summer, but will most likely still be only part time at work.
• We got the final report of our investment losses from 2008, where we had invested significantly in great, well-advised places.... just before the market crashed.
• We found out we were misinformed about some medications Jess has been using, causing some concern and necessitating a change.
• And on top of all this, there's one HUGE loss/form of suffering I can't yet mention... it makes most of these others fade!
• With all these outward frustrations, we've both struggled with thoughts of anger, bitterness, betrayal, hurt, and great sadness.
• In these thoughts, we've begun - and stopped each time, thank God - going down various sinful "thought trails" as ways of release/coping.
• All this has led to the most difficult time we've ever known, for both of us individually and definitely for our marriage.
  

We have definitely cried with Christ, "let this cup pass from me"; we've learned beyond ever before what "not as I will, but as you will" means ; for the first time, we're understanding what it means to be "heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him..." and that "Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..." (Jesus & Paul). I'm understanding true brokenness deeper than ever before.

And yet we have hope that there is some joy here - James says it; Joseph gave a great example ("you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good"), and the greatest hope known to man came through the greatest suffering a man ever knew. So to be honest, we can see some good in all this, we know God is working in us in all these aspects of life. Our marriage and communication are growing stronger; our reliance is continually being changed to God alone, as out finances, health, emotions, relationships, plans, and jobs fail us; we are seeing God move and teach us in each of these things.

But that's all when we're being objective. On the personal level, this Lent season has hurt like hell. On all levels of life. And while we know there's good in it, it sucks to walk through, and we're ready for it to be over. To be restored. To be healed. To see God's full plan. To understand how he's using this and molding us. To know what's next.

That's what I thought about this entire Easter weekend. Again...I wonder if the timing of this was all a coincidence?

Thanks for reading my venting.