:: FAQ About Leaving TCBC, 2: "How Are You Guys Doing?"

[I’m answering some questions about being asked to leave TCBC – more focused on how Jess and I are doing, etc., plus some facts for clarity. I will NOT be writing anything against Trinity Chapel, the elders, etc. – we love the church way too much for that. If you have further questions, post below; BUT if they’re potentially divisive, etc., please email me personally rather than use a public forum to do anything negative to the peace and unity at Trinity Chapel, part of the body of Christ. Thank you.]

#2: HOW ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

We have so appreciated the number of people who have cared about us through this. This is the question we’ve gotten asked the most, by far. Thank you. There are two answers to this question, and we find ourselves vacillating between the two. Some of this isn’t “right or good,” but in all honesty, here’s how we’re doing:

First, on the personal, subjective level, we’re crushed. We’re finding ourselves kicked out of a family we helped start, and a family we love and have poured our lives into, giving our all for five years. And for all the explanation and varying perspectives, we still aren’t fully aware of why, or how the process has gotten us all to this point. This leaves us feeling, again, absolutely crushed. Rejected, angry, bitter, confused, lost, shocked, deeply sad beyond words, alone, misunderstood… and a million other conflicting emotions that pop into our heads randomly, some of which make sense; some of which don’t. We’ve wept; we’ve looked at each other in shock and disbelief; I’ve walked out of meetings I thought were fruitful, only to find out they took us further toward this severing… In a word, we’re reeling. Please pray for us on this. This is where it’s so easy to dwell, and when we dwell here, the anger and bitterness overflow, and become indignation, self-righteousness, rage, a desire for vindication. This is sin. This is lack of trust. This is where it’s easy to be.

But, some days more than others, we find ourselves in the second mindset, the objective, big-picture view of things. From that view, we can see God in this. More on this in the next post, but we’ve been asking for some time how long we should be at Trinity. Not because of interpersonal issues, but because of potential next steps. We’ve found ourselves comfortable and “settled” for awhile. And we don’t think that “settled” is God’s call on our lives. So we’ve been praying for clear direction for some time, and the words “you don’t need to work here anymore” are fairly clear! It’s not THAT we’re leaving that sends us into the first mindset (previous paragraph); it’s HOW it’s happening. But even in that, God is using it to break our reliance – there’s nothing to cling to except Christ (see my post on Lent, here) – and destroy our comfort. We also see change coming, or at least proposed, in many levels of this, and if this is what instigates that, then as hard as it may be, we are honored to be used by God in that way. This is God. This is trusting his goodness and sovereignty. Sadly, this is harder right now.

People have been very encouraging along the way. The love, prayers, support, continued questions, many many many notes and emails we’ve received, mean a ton to us both and continually help us move from the first mindset to the second. Thank you. We appreciate knowing that people are asking questions and pressing hard, in grace and truth. Also helpful are people who have shared their similar situations and have emerged stronger, better off, and in the words of a couple folks, “freer” than if they had stayed. This has never become as clear as it has these last few weeks as we’ve walked through this process of being let go. Our role is done here; we’ve done our part. We’ve acted with integrity and pure motive, despite some perception and outcome, and it’s time for us to move on.

At the TCBC Elder Q&A this week, someone in the audience made the comment, “maybe God has something bigger for Ben and Jess, and if we kept them here, they wouldn’t be able to realize that.” Sometimes that’s hard to digest; sometimes it can seem painfully simple. But at the same time, we have hope that there’s truth there. And the more we’re able to dwell in the second mindset, the more we see God in this, the more we’re doing OK, and the more we’re able to be excited about the future rather than dwell on the past and present situation. Pray that we land there more and not the first.

What does that future look like? That’s for next time. But here’s a hint – it ends with a huge “?”