** Washing My Hands **

I’m in Houston this weekend, and get a little opportunity for late night reflection after a Starbucks discussion with a student-friend who’s ministering to students down here this summer. As we talked, this verse came up, one that pops into my head more and more regularly the longer I get to do ministry:

“Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all of you, for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God.” – Acts 20:26

After spending some lengthy time with the Ephesian church, after planting them, struggling with them, writing to them, visiting them, teaching them, and encouraging them, Paul’s near-final words to them are that he has done everything in his power to point them to God, lead them to truth, and center them on the gospel of Christ. He is innocent; no one can bring a charge against him that he could have done more; that he could have done better; that his work was insufficient. Paul accomplished as much as he could, and now, as he moves on, he can wash his hands of them, knowing that he did his darn best during the time he was with them.

This verse has haunted me this summer. As I look toward the first year of our ministry where we’ll be graduating four-year students (meaning, for the first time, we’ll have a great chunk of folks who were with us from their freshman thru senior years), I wonder, “have I done everything I can? Have we equipped them to the best of our abilities? Are we innocent of their blood? Have we declared to them all we can?”

To put it another way, John Piper asked this at a youth workers conference: “When your present generation of students leaves your ministry…, will you be able to say what the apostle Paul says in [these verses]?”

OR, have I wasted time with non-essentials? Have I held events that led toward meaninglessness or frivolity, and away from the cross? Have I missed opportunities because I’ve been distracted during conversations? Have we taught, and preached, and led, and studied, and prepared, and equipped our students to the fullest of our abilities?

As RJ and I talked about this tonight, we realized (even in the little time we’ve both been in ministry) that these aren’t questions that get asked much – or at least not enough! In most ministries, it’s easier not to ask it: it’s easier to play games because they’re fun and release energy, which makes parents smile; it’s easier to plan senior trips because the folks don’t have much else to do except drive around slowly in their Cadillacs; it’s easier to host a movie night because it fills time and makes folks laugh; it’s easier to avoid teaching difficult doctrines because people don’t like to think; it’s easier to… ______________.

Fill in the blank with a million things, but most of all it’s easier to lose sight of why we’re in ministry. We can get stuck in a rut; we can become distracted by day-to-day things. Or so-called “emergencies.” Or being trendy. Or thinking we have forever and thus losing our sense of urgency. Or whatever else.

I know I can.

And I know I do.

And I know I have.

And I know that if that’s the case, then my hands are not clean.

And I have not done my best.

And in all I do, whether it's a late-night conversation at Starbucks or planning out our entire year's calendar, I need to scrub up.